This is one of the views from our front porch at 4:45 a.m.The sun had just made an appearance and the bird song was very loud and beautiful. What in the world was I doing outside on the front porch at that early hour when any respectable night owl such as myself should finally be tucked into bed for a few more hours? Well, I had not been to bed at all because I could not sleep. I could not sleep because I have been distressed over a concern that chews and eats at my heart , robs me of sleep, and most seriously causes me to question things of eternal value and consequence. I don't like to question such things.....I am always wishing I could be O.K. with "going with the flow", and that I could be happy with pat answers and nice songs. But unfortunately for me and mine, my mind does not shut off such questions and ponderings and they take me back to the Bible, and other works of philosophy, theology, etc. Such thoughts take me to God, His Son Jesus, and then as I read His Word, and sometimes read of the trials, and lives of the many, many throughout history who suffered mightily and GAVE THANKS to be considered worthy to suffer , well....I am ashamed.....
I have to admit I suffer from the fear of things not going according to what my human mind deems right and just, and that is really a fancy way of saying I have little faith. "I need to ask myself, " Do I really believe? Do I still believe? Can I hang my soul on this, do I really believe God is governing this world and everything that touches me with perfect wisdom, justice, and love?" Elizabeth Elliot I say...YES! Then pray again, give my troubles and praises to God and read His Word for the encouragement and wisdom to go on.
Tonight at our home church gathering we finished our last section in the series on Prayer, by Philip Yancey. Mr. Yancey asked the very questions in the study I have been asking myself . We discussed the lesson together, we laughed, commiserated, we prayed. I pray...and continue to pray because I cannot NOT pray, just as I cannot NOT talk to my husband or children. They matter, He matters. Most important of all WE MATTER TO HIM, and He wants us to pray. For no other reason alone, that is why we should pray. Does this mean He does not answer specific prayers? Well, He has answered specific prayers and requests I have made that could not have been answered in any human way of reasoning. He has not answered many desperate prayers the way I wanted , but God is not a genie or Santa who grants me everything I want, just as a loving parent doesn't give a child everything they request , even if the child feels they will absolutely die if they don't get their way, even if my human reasoning cannot conceive of any answer to prayer other than what I think is best.
"Cast your burden upon the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken. " Ps. 55:22 and "Evening and morning and at noon , I will complain and murmur, and He will hear my voice, He will redeem my soul in peace from the battle which is against me, " Ps. 54 : 17, 18
"There is no need to fear the future, God is already there." Elizabeth Elliot...""He is the same yesterday, today, yes and forever." Hebrews 13:8
~Another view from the porch at 4:45 a.m.~
This is my 305th post! I will add the names of any who comment to my 'drawing' on Monday at 2:00 p.m. I will post the winners of Wee Little Sheep or a skein of homespun yarn Monday evening. Thank-you to all of you who read my blog, and take the time to comment ,and to so many of you who have taken the time to write me above and beyond the comments on Blogger. Your encouragement , prayers,and yes - friendship, are valuable and precious!
"Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Hebrews 4:16
21 comments:
God does hear you Kathy, and He knows your thoughts. He knows your struggles. He hasn't drawn away from you because you are having self doubts. You are probably being too hard on yourself. Aren't you studying the Bible and sharing scriptures with us? Maybe you should just try some quiet conversations with God-like the one you are probably having at 4:45 am. I'm sure some of your concerns are very large, like your grandchildren, and they are on-going. Your prayers and the answers you receive are on-going also. The path is set and you just have to travel it. Just remember that your relationship with God never reaches an end, you will always be working on it.
I don't have beautiful words -I am hit with a sense of "me too - me too!" I know He listens and cares and responds - do I "feel it?" - not at this moment but your posting really reached me in a place of pain - thank you
your porch is a place of great beauty and thank you
I have written and erased several comments on your post, as none seemed to measure up; so I just prayed for you and your family. I don't have any answers, I've shared your feelings during trials of my own.
No matter how much I've often felt that He wasn't there in my pain, I'm reminded that my sins cost Him a great deal and He paid that cost.
He has a great deal invested in me and I know that He is concerned with every detail of my life. Even if I sometimes don't 'feel' that He is. I try and comfort myself with the knowledge of these things, and it helps till something changes. But it doesn't keep me from ripping myself apart in the meantime. I too cannot 'go with the flow'.
I wish I could express my feelings as well as "Southern Comfort."
You have such a beautiful, peaceful place on your porch for your quiet time with the Lord.
I hope you know there are many of us who have grown to love you and your family who lift you all up in prayer several times throughout the day.
It's okay to go with the flow as long as it's the River of Life. Your questions are the same questions asked since the tomb was found empty. The questions drive us to our knees and into God's heart where He hears the prayers of a righteous people.
Do you have faith?
Yes, you do.
Don't go with what you feel; go with what you KNOW.
You're tucked into prayer and because He knows your concerns, He knows your heart.
You are His beloved and He is yours.
I'm off to church.
Shalom.
I stumbled across your blog from your RR post at Noble Pig/ The view from your porch is serene and beautiful, I bet that morning was especially wonderful :) I'm sorry something's bothering, I get the feeling it'll work itself out. Love your nativity sheep on the sidebar, they are so adorable!
Just got back from church conference with my Mom and a lady from our church.
Kathy, what a wonderful view you have from your porch. That view was created by God's earth, rain, seeds and your family's stewardship of the earth. A wonderful reminder of how God works. He always provides in HIS way.
I too try to guess God, even with the unexpected events which turned for the good. It is so hard to break from the mortal weaknesses with we were created.
Your spiritual devotion serves as a gentle "prod" for me.
Lucu
At times, when I feel prayer is not being answered, the answer is right in front of me. Have faith, be still, let me take this from your hands is what I hear. These doubts are only human. It is difficult to not fret, not worry, to feel we can just "go with the flow." And not being able to go with the flow really shows that you have tremendous faith. You want to do what is right, and not forge right into what might be wrong.
I hope you get your rest, find your peace, and let whatever it is that is troubling you go.
You touch a lot of lives each and every day. It is a gift.
What a beautiful place to sit and contemplate life and Gods workings in it. I was encouranged by your blog today. I too have been wondering a bit about where God is taking me and what He will do with my particular situation. You are correct about how we feel some things should go. What I am learning is to trust God for the bigger plan. I have tried too, many times,to try and work things a certian way. I feel like you can understand where I am at because we share some of the same or similar experiences with our children. I really do worry for my little grandson, as I am sure you did for your granddaughters. I have to realize I cannot control it and God is way bigger than I. He will do what is right in his eyes,not mine. I will pray for you as I am sure you do likewise. I am glad we are sisters twice..sister-in-law and sisters in Christ.
It's really light on your porch at that early hour. You have such a beautiful view!
There are time when I feel this way too! And then I get angry with myself for having doubts. But, we're human, so sometimes things like that slip in.
When I find myself consumed with worry, I find comfort from God where He is, and that is in the present moment. When I find myself judging, questioning, creating scenarios that have not happened, (basically worrying about what may be) I bring my mind right back to the moment. What do I see, hear, smell, feel right now?
Quieting the mind is hard to do but I know that just because I create questions in my mind it does not mean I am questioning God. A mere thought could not take away my faith. God knows that. Everything that my mind says to me is not the truth. I know the truth. I look at those thoughts when they come for what they are, just thoughts.
God is our Father and he always hears what we pray and ask from Him and He always answers :o)!
Trust Him, because He loves you very much!!
Hello Kathy.
Kathy, God is omnipotent, omnipresent and everlasting. He knows what you need before you ask. He knows what your family's needs are. It's so hard to let go of our burdens and lay them at His feet. You are doing the right things by praying and staying in the Word. It is there that you will find comfort and peace that passes understanding. I have personally been to "that" place where there was nothing I could do, nowhere to hide, no comfort or peace to find. It is only in God's love and grace that you will find peace. It's human of us to worry and to try to figure things out, and I've surely done my share of that, too. Keep your eyes on Him, keep His word in your heart, and His praise on your lips. He will see you through.
Looks like many are lifting you up today. Me, too.
Kathy,
I know how you feel. I've been there before waking up worried about things, but the Lord is in control and will take care of us. I love the beautiful photos on your blog. I'm so glad I visited your lovely blog.
Please visit my blog at:http://blueridgepoet.blogspot.com
I think we have all been through times when we question our belief and we all have doubts....but God knows us...He knows our hearts...and even when he is silent....he is still there. I am praying for you to have peace and that God will show you the answers to your questions. God makes us better through trials.....I know...I have had so many things that I can look back on and see where God has had His hand pushing me....holding me back... and helping me up. Blessings,Kathleen
So many wonderful comments here, Kathy, that my words would seem so insignificant...
But if all I can say is- I WILL BE PRAYING FOR YOU- I'm hoping these words will be of some comfort...
There is no way I COULDN'T comment. Your, "pondering prayer" speaks all the words that are in my heart so much of the time. I wish I could lay all my doubts, my fears, concerns and wonderings down beside your own. I don't think they would be very different.
You were so right to conclude that we can't NOT pray
I am so blessed, so many times through you.
Love,
Audrey
Hugs to you, Kathy. I very much understand the way you are feeling. We all struggle with maintaining our faith, especially when so many things happen that are out of our control and that we can't understand.
The view from your porch is quite beautiful. Thank you for sharing it.
I ran upon your blog by "accident"
today. I know it is an old blog, and I don't know how everything turned out for you and your 4 granddaughters and son, but, I do know God will guard and surround these children as they grow.
I was once in a situation like your granddaughters when I was a child. I was taken from my father and hidden from him for many years. I lived with a mother similar to your ex-daughter in law and my grandparents prayed for years for my and my brothers safety, never seeing us and never knowing where we were. My mother lived a life and took us through a life that was far from what God desires children to go through. BUT-God was with me. He guided and led my heart to Himself. He spoke to me in ways as a child that my little heart could comprehend. Even though I was not in a Christian home and those I lived with did much to keep me from knowing God-God Himself overrode ALL their wrongs and led me to follow Him. He deeply uses all I went through to help others to know His love through me.
Don't fear, dear one, He will protect and guide these granddaughters and raise them up to be vessels for His use. Trust. Don't allow the enemy to distract you from His faithfulness. HE IS able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all you expect. Pray. Trust.
our Shepherd sees all.
Shirley in Virginia
thelittlegraycottage.blogspot.com
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